A Hand to Hold
by Anonymous-cat
Summary: I wanna be that someone, so he doesn't die alone. Because the universe 'singing' to you is no subsitute for a hand to hold.


"See ya."

With those two words and a brilliant smile, Rose Tyler spins around and walks out of his life one last time. He feels the urge to run after her, to talk for just a few more minutes, but he knows even if he had the strength that would be a Very Bad Idea. No. It's time to go.

That is, if he can manage it. Wincing in pain, he pulls himself around the corner, eyes searching for the TARDIS. He knows he parked it at the end of the street, but everything has gone fuzzy and he can't make out anything beyond the glare of the Christmas decorations. He begins to plod forward anyway in what he believes is the right direction. It can't be all that far.

But now every step brings another spasm of pain, and it takes a monumental effort just to put one foot in front of the other. Still, he keeps going, knowing he _has_ to make it back before... before... he just has to get back. But he's been holding back the energy for too long. With a strangled cry, he feels his legs give way beneath hi m as he falls to the snow covered ground.

Panting hard, he tries to gather enough energy to get back to his feet. But it's not enough. He's waited too long, and now the TARDIS is out of reach. It's then that he feels a soft hand on his shoulder, and hears a familiar voice in his ear.

"It's okay, it's alright, I've got you."

Rose. She must have been watching him from the stairwell, and when he collapsed had decided to run out and help. This is bad, worse than bad. While Rose might not remember a conversation with a drunk in an alley, she'll be hard pressed to forget a man who explodes right in front of her. His mind begins to race, trying to think of how to get her to leave. He should never have come here.

"No, just... just go, it's all right. I'm fine," he insists, desperately hoping she will take the hint and walk away.

"You're not fine, you're regenerating," she tells him patiently, as if he is a child. "Can you stand?"

In that moment he can't feel the pain anymore, can't feel anything except astonishment. When he looks up he sees she is wearing a black parka, not a pink hoodie like the Rose who just left. It _can't_ be her, and yet...

"Yeah, it's me," she says, in answer to the question in his eyes. "Come on, we've got to get you back to the TARDIS." Before he has time to even think of a reply, she throws his arm around her and hoists him to his feet. Somehow, he finds the strength to step forward, leaning on her all the way. The snow crunches quietly beneath their feet.

"Before you say anything, I want you to know you don't have to worry 'bout the universe exploding, or something like that," she reassures him, her chatter filling up the lonely silence. "The Doc... I mean, he said something happened here, in this world, that left everything in a state of flux... just long enough for me to get through. And when everything settles down, goes back to normal, the gap will close and I'll be pulled back to my world. No worries."

He lets her voice wash over him, saying nothing in return. As they walk, he studies her. Although she is doing her best to project only calmness, he can see the anxiety pulsing beneath the surface. That's only fair, he's nervous too. Studying her face, he decides she can't be much older than when he left her in Norway. It's probably been only a year or two for her. As his eyes travel down to her clothes, he notices the ring on her left hand.

Rose sees the direction of his gaze, and blushes slightly. "Yeah," she confirms softly, "we're... together." He nods with some difficulty. Of course. When he says nothing, she stops them for a moment to peer at him worriedly. "Doctor, are you still with me? Only you haven't said anything... talk to me. Tell me something that's been going on."

He takes a deep breath and blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind: "Mickey got married to Martha."

She blinks, clearly not expecting that revelation. "Seriously? Your Martha?" Then she grins. "That's brilliant! Wish I could have been there." She begins leading him forward again.

"They seemed... very happy," he continues. They've almost reached the TARDIS now, it's just a few feet away, but now he stops and turns to face her. "Are you?"

"What?"

"Happy. Are you happy, Rose?" He has to know, has to hear it from her.

She seems surprised by the question. "Yeah... course I am. Course I'm happy."

"Then... why are you here?"

She swallows thickly, and blinks her eyes quickly before any tears can come. "I'm just here to hold your hand."

Her words take him back, back to another lifetime. A much younger Rose had told him haltingly about the day her father died. _"It was a hit-and-run... the driver left without even stopping to call for help. He died there, out in the middle of the street, all on his own. Mum always used to say... she said she wished there had been someone there, just to hold his hand. I wanna be that someone. So he doesn't die alone." _Of course she would come. And of course _he_ would let her.

Without another word, she takes his hand and leads him into the TARDIS, shutting the door behind them. And although he hates to say it, he knows he has to speak up. "Rose... you should go."

"I'm not leaving you," she declares stubbornly. "I told you, the universe isn't going to explode..."

"No, but the TARDIS might." Upon seeing her confused expression, he quickly explains. "I absorbed all the radiation of a nuclear bomb. On top of that, I've been holding in the regeneration energy as long as I possibly can... it won't be safe to be anywhere near me once it starts. I'm not taking you with me when I go."

She frowns dissaprovingly. "You're not going anywhere. And neither am I, at least not until the gap closes anyway. You're stuck with me until then, so let's make the best of it."

He doesn't exactly have time to argue with her, so without protesting he makes his way to the console and sends them into orbit. Rose's hand is still tightly clutched in his... a hand that is now giving off that tell-tale glow.

He doesn't want to look, doesn't want to think about it, so he looks at her instead. "Your turn. Talk. Tell me what you've been up to." They've only got about two minutes left. He knows from past experience it will never be enough.

"Well... we've been busy enough, I guess. Savin' the world and all that. Still haven't managed to get off planet yet..."

"Yet?"

She smiles then, one of those brilliant Rose Tyler smiles, though he can see the sadness behind it. "We're growin' a TARDIS. Well, he is, I don't quite understand the science behind any of it, but it should be ready in a year or two. Til then, we're just soaking in the domestics... I think Mum's having the time of her life, honestly. A succesful, loving husband, one kid just starting school, an' going mad trying to throw some big gala wedding for the other..."

An intense wave of pain hits then and he can't help gasping aloud. Rose looks stricken. "I'm sorry, you don't want to hear about that."

"No... I do." And he does, even if it does stir up some intense jealousy for the man sharing a life with Rose... the man who will continue to wear this face long after he is gone. "It's just... oh Rose, I really don't want to go," he admits.

She nods sharply, and he can see the tears threatening to overflow in her eyes, but her voice is still steady and soothing. "I know." She gives his hand one last squeeze, then tells him, "I'm sorry, Doctor, but I'm gonna have to let go of your hand now."

Glancing down, he can see that the glow has gotten far more intense, and realizes the heat must be getting too much for her to bear. Taking a deep breath, he lets go of her and backs away slowly, looking in her eyes the enitre time. She does not look away. "Thank you, Rose Tyler."

Then the world explodes in a ball of flame.

It is painful, but not agonizingly so. It's more of a relief than anything, like when you've been holding your breath too long and you can finally take a breath of fresh air. And soon the pain is absolutely and completely gone, leaving everything dazzlingly fesh and exciting and new. He can't for the life of him remember why he was so miserable only moments before, because this, _this_ has got to be the best feeling in the world.

Everything seems to check out... legs, arms, and _lots_ of fingers all where they belong... a face that feels reasonably doable, he'll have to find a mirror soon to make sure... hair thats just a tad too long and _still_ not the shade he was hoping for... might have to check his ears out, though, there's some kind of buzzing or ringing, almost like someone's talking to him...

"Doctor! Doctor, have you heard anything I've just said?" He spins around, momentarily taken aback by the voice. There_ is_ someone talking to him! Of course, right, Rose is still here. Great!

"Not a word!" He informs her cheerfully. "Was it something important?"

She glares at him. "I _said_, I think you've just knocked us out of orbit! Are you planning on doing something about that?"

"Oh, yes, we're crashing!" He realizes, letting out a whoop of delight. He dashes to the console, attempting to wrest control back from the falling vessel. This is better than the best roller-coaster in the world, the ultimate thrill ride! In a moment Rose is at his side, forgetting to be angry as she is caught up in the excitement.

"You're still completely mad, then?" She asks, grabbing on to the console and grinning wildly.

"Completely and utterly!" There is a word there on the tip of his tongue, that seems entirely appropriate for a situation in which one is plummetting towards the earch at an incredible speed, and so he gleefully gives voice to it: _"Geronimo!"_

Her laughter joins his and echoes around the room as they fall, spinning wildy in reckless abandon for one last shining moment. He finds himself thrown to the floor upon impact, still laughing at the absurdity of it all. When the room finally stops spinning, he pulls himself up from the ground, and takes a quick glance around for the girl who had come to say goodbye.

Although the console room is a mess, it is soon clear that she is not to be found behind any of the collapsed pillars. The gap must have closed sometime during the fall, and Rose has been pulled back to her universe and the man she will share her life with. He waits for the sudden, sharp pain this realization is sure to bring.

It does not come.

He will miss her, of course, but no longer does her absense feel like a raw wound that will never be healed. It is bearable... more than bearable, because she is happy, she told him so herself. And as for him...

Outside those doors, a whole new world waits for him. He has absolutely no idea where he has landed, but suddenly he feels an itching, burning desire to find out.

Brand new start.


End file.
